Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
