our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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