I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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