They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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