'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
