Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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