if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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