You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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