Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
