can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
