So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
