I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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