I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
