I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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