I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You just made me feel so damn special
My hand turned me down
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
