Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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