i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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