I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
