So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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