dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
