she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
