finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
