me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
