We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
