The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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