In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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