No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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