well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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