VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize