Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
