The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize