Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
