just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
