I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
