dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
