"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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