I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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