another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
