Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
