I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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