how can u be prego again
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
