If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
