I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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