If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
