It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
