The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize