we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
