We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
