I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
