After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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