he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think your dad took our porno
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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