I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
