We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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