Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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