Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
