I am spending my child support on dildos
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
