My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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