Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
