plz talk dirty to me
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
