In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
