I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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