the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
