Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
