you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
