OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
