You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
