I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
