My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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