I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
