Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
im holly from the hills drunk
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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