There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
im six kinds of drunk right now
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
