My liver just broke up with me...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
