i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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